You ever had that feeling where you just can't do it anymore? Any of it,cause it hurts. You either sleep too much or too little. You hardly eat and when you do you pig out and feel like shit afterwards. When you drink you feel happy until you get really drunk and then you just break down and cry. You convince yourself you're allright,you're just doing your thing. But a part of you knows,the same part that makes you wanna go back to bed and just sleep,and forget, the second you get out of bed.
Your emotional range becomes kind of limited,either your manically,insanely happy or your unconsolable.
You find a couple of things you're comfortable with doing,in my case it was getting stoned and feeling sorry for myself. Boy, did I do a lot of that.All day everyday,hooked on the stuff? No I just need it,it helps me,gives me perspective. Then someone you thought you'd severed all ties with comes along,and throws your perpective totally out of wack. And you finally see the depths of your own insanity.
Finally you see the angel was a vampire,the medicine was making you sicker and that the ocean of self pity you've been wollowing in was a little pond. And that the deep black of despair,was the mottled grey of teenage anxiety.
I don't blame them,any of them.
Not my parents.
Not my friends who backed off even though I needed them more then ever.
Not the friends who stayed and never helped.
Nor do I blame HER for leaving.

It was all necesarry,avoidable,but necesarry. Pain preceeds growth. Things sometimes have to get fucking awful,before they can even become okey.After total darkness you appreciate the light more then you ever did .You are your own best friend,and darkest most insidious enemy. Thats how it needs to be.

Know the beast,it's name is depression,it may gnaw but it will only devour if you let it.